Throwing Chalk: diary of a trainee teacher

Okay so I didn't know until I got here but Bev is a male Bev. He's looks a bit like Ian Brown (okay, he doesn't but it'll do as a ballpark observation) & for the purposes of visualising him here. Him <<<----- Monkey Man in the red, on the right.

He has been lumbered with me and it felt a bit like it at first, but then teachers are notoriously withdrawn I find when anyone is observing them; they want to impress but they're afraid that they won't. Like artists. Hmmm. Or writers certainly. As a teacher you do tend to crave attention and praise. Like everyone does, pupils especially.

So I sat in on the chatty lesson & we basically read a very short novel that is on the GCSE syllabus. People more or less paid attention or at least sat there with their books open & Bev read and later, I read. Without going red. One of the students made a joke:

"Don't be scared."

"It's alright," I said, "I have read a book before."

Quite nasty really, but then he was trying to put me down and I don't have the authority of standing at the front and having everyone's attention so I just had to step up and say: hey, you're trying to get one over on me already... yah, forget that.  Anyway, I'm not exactly going to war with him but I did feel that this lad, we'll call him Xaf - cos that isn't anyone's name - other than an alien - will present a challenge. Him and the 3 females in the class who hidden over to one side not making any noise and ignored by Bev. He was concentrating on the louder, more obviously cheeky/naughty lads. So the girls could text and fall asleep.

It's amazing what you can see when you're sitting at the side of the room. Well it was a start and not too intimidating. Not too great really. But then they needed to read the book and I guess there's no other way to do it. There was an explanation/discussion of themes - which again I didn't think brought out the essence of the book but I didn't want to interfere. And challenge Bev's authority. Not good that wouldn't have been. The book had a sexual assault in it and of course the boys had opinions:

"He wants to get killed. That is wrong. If that happened to your sister. I would go round there. You gotta do your revenge, yeah? That is how it is."

Bev gave a sort of half-hearted shrug. He half-tried to resist but never really convinced. The boys won the argument & equally importantly, what kind of essay will they write if that is what they take away from this book? (It isn't a very good book, actually, but that's not that important I guess). I wanted to join the debate, but resisted. I wanted to say: Michael Jackson he may be a bad person now, but does that detract from his genius pop records from years ago? A person can be two things. The evil, the vile acts (or alleged & unproven acts in Jackson's case) don't detract from their other acts. A man can be a genius & a paedophile; a hard-worker & a thief. I think this idea should have been addressed. Maybe I want too much.

One thing: I have to get all my photocopying & lesson planning & materials done a week ahead so that they can go to reprographics. Ummm. I'm not good at being ahead. I'm more of a doing-my-homework-on-the-bus-in-the-morning kinda guy. Not sure about that.

So, at the moment: not much chemistry with Bev; not much enthusiasm for teaching English GCSE. I preferred the Engl Literature GCSE group at Nincomport College: at least they wanted to be there. And the course was more interesting. This book, is frankly, rubbish. Should I name it? Well it's by Robert Cormier. Heroes. There. I'm sure I'll stay anonymous.

Had chat with Bev afterwards > I am still trying to find my way at this college, it all still seems weird. Did have a little talk with Mr North (see his sort-of lookylikey: left <<<<------) Life seemed easier here when I was just teaching creative writing at lunchtime, as a favour, for fun & experience. I also worry about being good enough to teach the syllabus - and do I know what the syllabus actually is!!! Pain pain strain. I need to look everything up. Steal some lesson plans off the internet. Or make something up. Something good. Only 74.5 hours to go (I'm counting the half hour I read and spoke as teaching - goddamm it - I need the hours - let me have it). A start then, but an uncertain one.

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 02:48 Comments