Throwing Chalk: diary of a trainee teacher

Because, when you *fall off* the best thing to do is get right back on again. It hurts and you're scared but you've got to do it. Or so *they* say...

So my colleagues at North Brassington were very helpful last thursday (what day is it today?) with lots of advice. The Beauty Therapy teacher suggested getting the students to sign an agreement - what they will do - what elements are needed for a good lesson: paying attention, arriving on time, having respect for others. It sounds like a good idea.

It sounds a bit childish, but...

Also: splitting up the friend groups. 

Setting up the desks as formal - old school - literally *old school* desks - rows. Everyone facing forward - everyone where I can see them and in smaller groups. Not cliques.

And, what else?

Introduce myself. Don't hide the fact that I'm a *trainee* that I am going to be different to Bev. 

I'm even tempted to wear a tie. I want to go the whole Sidney Poitier. But I don't think I'll go that far.

I also need to arrive at least 45 minutes early. Just to be early. And make sure I have everything organised. It's all dull but I have to do it. 

Plus the main thing:

Get a good night's sleep. Be rested and don't get angry. Do not be John McCain. Be Barack Obama if you can't be as cool as Sidney Poitier. 

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 02:28 Comments

So. The phrase "dark night of the soul" comes to mind. That would be the night before this lesson. I mean, hell yeah, I had prepared. I had a plan. Was it a good plan - well it was an improved version of a lesson that was passively accepted by students at Nincomport College last year. Y'know, that widely reviled place that looks like a warehouse. The place where one innocent Thursday there was a big patch of red outside the English secretary's office: "Oh, that. Someone just got stabbed. It is a bit of a mess." Err, yeah. It is.

And now here we are at high achieving religious 6th formers only (no mature students here!) Porringo College. And let's be honest - not the worst lesson ever. Not the worst behaving class ever. No one tried to stab me. Honestly, honestly - the most depressing thing was the review with Bev afterwards. I had tears in my eyes - and I never cry. What are they tears off - well, despair, anger - not much really - hopelessness, self-pity. I really want to give up. I went to a friend's house afterwards and wanted to argue. Just so I could be right for once. Having just spent 20 minutes having my faults and issues outlined in great detail.

The lesson

I arrived 5 minutes before, sweaty from my bike ride, getting severe stares from the HOD and Bev. NOT acceptable. Hmmm. I got there on time, didn't I? Did they not realise how hard I cycled. And it was cold...... oh never mind. As it says in some teaching book: listen and consider any excuses and then ignore them. They have obviously read that book. Blah.

General thoughts

I was not feeling confident. I almost had too much material to go at. I was tempted to skim. It was to prove to be a bad idea. Do the hard yards. Get that done and move on. Perhaps I was aware that this was not an exam level lesson we were doing. This was practice for next week. BUT ALSO - I'M NOT ENTIRELY CONFIDENT about this subject. I'm making it up! I'm guessing! I'm downloading lesson plans and info from everywhere. I was up late finding more info on media analysis: genre, tone, audience, layout, parts of speech..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'd rather be teaching I.T. 

Severely lacking in passion for the subject. Anyway.... onwards.

Comparing two adverts. Big and lovely and colourful they were - but one appealed to young people the other didn't. And they struggled with that. Cos they couldn't differentiate between what they liked and what they didn't. "That's just boring."

Did they learn anything?

It felt a bit out of control really. Just too much shouting and laughing. All good humoured but not like a 'proper' lesson. A bit random. And people text messaging when asked not to. When I was standing next to them. Headphones round the neck. Then on the ears when you turn away. One set chat so the other group chat.

I wanted the quiet ones to speak but they never got the chance. It was Bev's lessons +. And he was still sitting there in the corner. So they could ask him questions. It made me feel like I wasn't capable. Like I really was a trainee wearing stabilisers. Hmmm. Not good. I could just moan but that's all I've got right now.

Xaf was just unstoppable. I spent so much time keeping him quiet and answering his questions that everyone else was left to their own devices. I had to move one of his friends (the texting one). It was shambolic. It was GIVE UP time. It was I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE time.

Then I went round to a friend's house - I got a flat tyre on the way there! - could I feel any more sorry for myself?

Answer, no.

And argued with her. Cos I wanted to argue. Cos I had my post-lesson feedback session with Bev and he gave me lots of pointers. Most of it valid - about making things simple and using modelling of answers (which ties in with the re-takes - teacher helping with answers thing, I think - if that isn't too controversial). Basically you have to do it.

And while he was telling me all the things I was doing wrong, I had a tear in my eye. I did actually cry. I'd been worrying beforehand and slept less than 2 hours. Afterwards I cried. And argued.

Not good.

It may be a learning curve, but it felt like a jumping off the cliff moment. Damn and more damn.  

I'm not sure if I can do any better. I'm not sure if I have any more. I don't like the subject. GCSE English is dull. I don't know much about linguistics etc - well, next to nothing. Hmmm. The end...

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 01:31 Comments

The first week back on the bike & I managed it, despite my ongoing (unnamed) physical pain issues. Great, that makes me sound like I have something really terrible wrong with me. I sort of do. But obviously, it's not terribly, it's just long-lastingly bla bla. Shut up. Cycled to college. The only excuse for the picture ----->>>>>>>>>>>>>

Well other than for later discussions that revolve around what *bad things* you have seen other students or teachers do during your own time as a student-teacher. One male - who we'll call the Plumbing Teacher - told of a time when his mentor threw a 15 year old out of the workshop - grabbed him by his throat and slung him out.

"Now, I'm not defending him but he had to do something. He did deserve it. I'm not defending him, but, it taught him a lesson." Hmmm. I won't go on. I disagreed.
Plumbing Teacher: "I believe in capital punishment in schools." He later admitted that was a mistake, but he does believe in hanging anyway, so why not bring it in in schools? It may be the discipline solution we need.

In the afternoon we had to present in a fantasy scenario where we split into little groups to represent various interest bodies within teaching: managers, teachers, students, politicians - well that sort of thing. Me and the Dance Teacher represented teachers. I couldn't help thinking that they want ultimate independance, but no paperwork, no one telling them what to do, lots of time to prepare, lessons where they decide what's right - and yet - it would be nice if someone else could prepare the lessons for them...

Lazy and irresponsible - or maybe that's just me. Power without Responsibility? I'll settle for that....

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 01:30 Comments

I am going to try and stick to a fairly conventional formula with my actual lesson reflections. This week will be ultra formal just to try things out.

This was more or less my first week actually teaching so I was a little apprehensive, seeing how noisy they (the GCSE class) were last week when I was just assisting. But Bev's AS level class were also - I would suggest - slightly out of control. A bit too happy. I like to think I'm liberal but it was chaotic. I haven't blogged on that and it's too late now but I'll be meeting that group again and they were very lively, but at least there were more lively students - so you could play them against each other. With this group there is an ABSOLUTELY dominant male. He's witty, good looking, rebellious, intelligent and obviously, a total pain in the neck. He answers all the questions. Then answers them again irrelevantly and just wants limelight, limelight, limelight. I'm not sure Bev handles him perfectly. To be blunt, he needs to be made to shut up and to let someone else have a go. Too much time and effort is expended on him. I know his name - Xaf (obviously, as always, the name is changed) but am struggling to put names to faces - and pronounce some of the names. All of that is obvious first week stuff, of course. Now, to get to the formal lesson assessment. Ahem....

Effectiveness of teaching, training and learning
I was pretty well prepared. I actually cut my session down as it happened. One thing I think I'm struggling with is the level of the class. They're quite diverse: in background, language skills, ethnicity, amount of school work they've done previously. How much do I have to spell out for them & how much can I expect them to take in? The weird thing is that with Bev still being in the class and them being Bev's babies - I naturally took a laid back approach. Which I like to do - but there is a danger that they push that too far. We shall see...

So the actual presentation and handout went quite well. The exercise was well recieved, although it got a bit silly and I'm not sure I brought out the correct terms I was meant to get them to understand I we were meant to be criticizing media.

I feel like I need a big book that tells me all the answers. A playlist of lesson plans - not a very vague scheme of work - that already doesn't seem to apply to what we're doing. Help would be nice. I have no experience of this subject either as a student or a teacher so I do feel that I am sinking a little. And not sleeping much. Not ideal.

Did learners understand what they were to do? How well had you provided for the different needs of different learners? How did your timing of the lesson go?
The timing was okay cos I cut a lot. I think all learners understood the lesson, I'm not sure they understood - WHY - they were doing the lesson - what the overall point is. Not to stretch it too far, but, I'm not sure I understood either...

What were you most pleased with in terms of what you planned?
The exercise results - although Bev had much to say about how that might have been improved. Particularly by modeling answers for the students. Giving them choices but giving them examples at the same time. I get his point.

Achievement of Learners.
I think this one is moot so far. I'm not sure. I can't go into too much detail. Although, thinking about it, there was a lot of imaginative work done - and the more capable students did stretch the envelope and have fun with the idea of creating an ad campaign for some cheap watches. So yes, I shouldn't be too downhearted.

How will you support learners who did not achieve targets today?
I want to make sure that the quieter pupils, particularly the minority female cohort are involved. The seating arrangements ghettoise the students into their gender/racial groups. It keeps them safe and secure and lets them talk to each other more easily.

While I'm on the topic - what is the thing with headphones - one headphone in & I'm not gonna notice? You know who I mean, you two. And two people on their phones. I never had any of this at Nincomport College. And that is supposed to be rough. And yet... odd. I thought 6th form colleges were supposed to be big on behaviour. Well, it's only fun, but it's not good so far.

Worrying...

Targets for development
Pretty obvious at the moment: know more about the subject, feel more confident, better classroom control. Isn't that about everything.

Working with your Tutor/Mentor: do you agree with the feedback from the observer?
Ummm. I've almost forgotten what Bev said. I think I agree with his comments. Modelling is a good thing - but do modern teachers push it too far and spoon feed the answers? I'd be more comfortable with a higher ability group. Or that's how I feel right now. I want a group that will get my jokes and where I can discuss something interesting. I'm not enjoying the subject, so how can they? Problems.........

Next week: another challenge. Nowt more to say. Work to do....

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 01:30 Comments

Back at North Brassington for more being-taught-to-be-a-teacher lessons. It was sunny but I was tired - tired - due to silly going to bed-late-ness.

This week we were team presenting umm presentations on various aspects of current Educational thinking. My team were presenting on Professor Frank Coffield's report on the future of Further Education. Before that we watched a presentation on Basic Skills - and I won't go into details because I want to be critical.

There seems to be a split in my class between those of us with little experience who are there to get the teaching qualification but also hope to learn something while we're there, and those that are already teaching in F.E. (nursing, plumbing, tourism, ESOL - vocational subjects mainly). These people are in some ways clearly the most experienced people, but also the most complainy and cynical.

"Don't ask any questions so we can go home early." We get told after dinner.

So everyone sits there in silence, bored, until we are allowed to go 30 minutes early. It's not liket the lessons are always interesting, or you feel like you've learnt very much, but isn't the point that as adults we should ask more and then we might get our questions answered and we might find the process a little bit more interesting? Perhaps I'm just the opposite of a cynic - which is not how I would normally describe myself.

If you do ask a question, they tut and mutter under their breath. Like you're a swot. Fancy caring. Idiot. It's a bit weird. It's like - is this how they want their own classes to behave. I know that exam passing is the main thing, but it doesn't have to be the only thing, does it? Can we not debate - or can we not have a debate that doesn't just decend into whining about paperwork & the quality of the whiteboard where you work?

Hmmm? How about that? I'm not just being a twat about it, they are nice people, it's just they particularly annoyed me this week.

First, the most (ask no questions) person - who gets paid quite a fair bit [I've just cut some more personal info, cos I want this to be anonymous] - she gave the first presentation. And I was struck by the thought: she's no better than she was at the start of last year. This is as dull as her *micro-teaching* assignment. She looks bored. She's going through the motions. Each slide has about a 100 words on it and she's just reading them off to us. It can be done better than that, surely - but she has got her style, her level & she's sticking with it. Disappointing.

Then on to my team's presentation. I tried to make it light hearted (and very quick - my bit anyway). The presentation by 4 people was meant to last 30 minutes, but one of our team had 31 slides and that seemed to last half of my life. The No Questions lady was texting during that anyway. And chatting to Ms Hard-Done-By.

Our actual tutor either didn't notice them or was too polite to bother. I saw them and was tempted to throw out a question to them. But really? They're not interested. They don't really need to know about Coffield's scepticism about Learning Styles.

But that's my rant. This was my last time of driving to North Brassington as the car is going as of Saturday so I'll be cycling there as the winter approaches. Which was nice last year. No it was, hopefully I'm over my injury and won't have any problems getting there or I'll be on a 3 buses journey every Thursday. Which won't be much fun.

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 17:02 Comments

Okay, let's be thoroughly honest. I co-taught this one and it wasn't very exciting. The weird thing - or obvious thing was how the students were just a cacophany (if spelled right) of noise, all speaking at once.

Not good.

Not enjoying.

Do not like.

A little bit scary.

But this was Bev's lesson so I was mainly helping out. I'm going to leave this short.

They were analysing a piece of travelogue. Bev thought it was wonderfully well written. I thought it was pompous, untrue and dreary. Old man moaning and groaning. Bored me stupid. Sorry. The class were meant to be looking at parts of the language. They didn't get it much. I didn't blame them. Cue more random shouting out.

I'm not entirely sure what was going on. Why this was acceptable. I'm in *culture shock*.

Do not like. Do not want...

p.s. I discovered something new - re-sits. Everyone does re-sits. Even if they've got a C or B at AS Level. That is how the grades improve over time. People just keep handing in their modular course work again and again until the grades improve. And the same takes place at GCSE - student hands in a fairly rubbish essay - teacher suggests changes - student makes changes - hands it back - teacher suggests more changes - ad finitum until the student and teacher are bored. The only thing stopping everyone from getting A* is that the teacher isn't capable of getting an A* - I'm not, I'm sure - and the pupil might get bored by the process.

It seems odd and like a lot of work, but that is what it *seems* to be like in the modern world of Further Education. Or am I wrong?

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 01:29 Comments

Wow. How really weird. I actually really enjoyed today. It's almost spooky. I asked questions about what the chuff EMA is and whether people think it's a good idea and got some answers. Not a single real perfect answer but then no one can really say if it's doing any good.

EMA  as described by Wikipedia: (Education Maintenance Allowance, a financial scheme for British students).

16-18 year olds get paid to go to college provided their parents are *poor* enough to fit into the following income groups:

"£30 per week for those whose household income is under £20,817 p.a.;
£20 per week for those whose household income is between £20,818 and £25,521 p.a.;
£10 per week for those whose household income is between £25,522 and £30,810 p.a.

"Additionally, bonus payments of £100 or £150 are available to students who are in receipt of EMA. These bonuses are available in January and July of the first and second year. A total of £400 extra money can be claimed in bonus payments over a maximum period of three years."

[from Wikipedia - and therefore probably true]

It must cost a fair amount of money to finance and obviously 18 months time when we get a change of government (almost certainly) it'll get canned.

Kids nowadays, eh? They don't know how lucky they are...

"The Conservative Party have stated their opposition to EMA. Conservative Party spokesman Chris Grayling said: "This is another blatant example of the government trying to fiddle the figures. Bribing young people to sign up for courses they may not complete, might make ministers' targets look achievable - but they do absolutely nothing to help solve this country's chronic skills shortage."

[from Wikipedia - and therefore probably true]

Well a number of the students who are currently teaching are certainly cynical about the scheme. Talking about kids who demand their EMA and only turn up in class to get an attendance mark. It helps some, probably; others just spend the money on new trainers. But then, everyone needs new trainers every now and again. But then these student/teachers are cynical about everything & I don't have the experience to contradict them or the arguments to support EMA so I'm torn. It would have been nice to have had it in my day, but I would have stayed on in any case as I didn't want to get a full-time job. And I had a part-time job stacking shelves to pay for my intake of alchohol (etc).

Verdict: the jury is out, but it may not matter as the Tories'll jack it in as one of their first proposals in power...

So yeah, some new stuff. Real life experiences. I quite like looking at trends in current education, it is less dry than learning theories and it's all very new. Going on right now. And yet most non-education people don't even know that EMA exists - as a for example. How many people know what a *phonic* is either? And do they need to know? Well, probably not.

Other than that we looked briefly at *Curriculum Models*. There are a number. It's good to know them but it seems unlikely you'd create a curriculum or scheme of work to fit to one. They're more like *reverse-engineered* models. *Stuff looks like this*.

The “Hidden curriculum” is an interesting idea. It's the stuff that gets learnt that isn't on the syllabus: social skills, political views maybe. Certainly I thought that if you're doing a Business Studies course, you're going to accept the idea that capitalism is good. In nursing: caring is good. Those are the fundamental underlying themes, no one has to spell them out - but they differ from course to course. Some promote competition, some suggest sharing is the best way. Also, going to a Public School might make you more likely to be able to behave well in social situations or job interviews. Bla bla bla - is the general thing. Interesting. I thought of boxing and the way they value respect & working hard; staying in, looking after your body. Not hitting people in *real life*. It made me think that boxing - bashing people in the face on purpose - might be a good thing. Hmmm.

Other than that: I listened to Ms Complainalot tell me about her problems & I had baked potato for my packed lunch. I sat outside in a park eating it. It was sunny. In a properly not needing a coat, needing sunglasses way. Almost weird.

Current mood: surprised!!! and surprisingly happy. (Note: it cannot last...)

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 02:34 Comments

Okay so I didn't know until I got here but Bev is a male Bev. He's looks a bit like Ian Brown (okay, he doesn't but it'll do as a ballpark observation) & for the purposes of visualising him here. Him <<<----- Monkey Man in the red, on the right.

He has been lumbered with me and it felt a bit like it at first, but then teachers are notoriously withdrawn I find when anyone is observing them; they want to impress but they're afraid that they won't. Like artists. Hmmm. Or writers certainly. As a teacher you do tend to crave attention and praise. Like everyone does, pupils especially.

So I sat in on the chatty lesson & we basically read a very short novel that is on the GCSE syllabus. People more or less paid attention or at least sat there with their books open & Bev read and later, I read. Without going red. One of the students made a joke:

"Don't be scared."

"It's alright," I said, "I have read a book before."

Quite nasty really, but then he was trying to put me down and I don't have the authority of standing at the front and having everyone's attention so I just had to step up and say: hey, you're trying to get one over on me already... yah, forget that.  Anyway, I'm not exactly going to war with him but I did feel that this lad, we'll call him Xaf - cos that isn't anyone's name - other than an alien - will present a challenge. Him and the 3 females in the class who hidden over to one side not making any noise and ignored by Bev. He was concentrating on the louder, more obviously cheeky/naughty lads. So the girls could text and fall asleep.

It's amazing what you can see when you're sitting at the side of the room. Well it was a start and not too intimidating. Not too great really. But then they needed to read the book and I guess there's no other way to do it. There was an explanation/discussion of themes - which again I didn't think brought out the essence of the book but I didn't want to interfere. And challenge Bev's authority. Not good that wouldn't have been. The book had a sexual assault in it and of course the boys had opinions:

"He wants to get killed. That is wrong. If that happened to your sister. I would go round there. You gotta do your revenge, yeah? That is how it is."

Bev gave a sort of half-hearted shrug. He half-tried to resist but never really convinced. The boys won the argument & equally importantly, what kind of essay will they write if that is what they take away from this book? (It isn't a very good book, actually, but that's not that important I guess). I wanted to join the debate, but resisted. I wanted to say: Michael Jackson he may be a bad person now, but does that detract from his genius pop records from years ago? A person can be two things. The evil, the vile acts (or alleged & unproven acts in Jackson's case) don't detract from their other acts. A man can be a genius & a paedophile; a hard-worker & a thief. I think this idea should have been addressed. Maybe I want too much.

One thing: I have to get all my photocopying & lesson planning & materials done a week ahead so that they can go to reprographics. Ummm. I'm not good at being ahead. I'm more of a doing-my-homework-on-the-bus-in-the-morning kinda guy. Not sure about that.

So, at the moment: not much chemistry with Bev; not much enthusiasm for teaching English GCSE. I preferred the Engl Literature GCSE group at Nincomport College: at least they wanted to be there. And the course was more interesting. This book, is frankly, rubbish. Should I name it? Well it's by Robert Cormier. Heroes. There. I'm sure I'll stay anonymous.

Had chat with Bev afterwards > I am still trying to find my way at this college, it all still seems weird. Did have a little talk with Mr North (see his sort-of lookylikey: left <<<<------) Life seemed easier here when I was just teaching creative writing at lunchtime, as a favour, for fun & experience. I also worry about being good enough to teach the syllabus - and do I know what the syllabus actually is!!! Pain pain strain. I need to look everything up. Steal some lesson plans off the internet. Or make something up. Something good. Only 74.5 hours to go (I'm counting the half hour I read and spoke as teaching - goddamm it - I need the hours - let me have it). A start then, but an uncertain one.

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 02:48 Comments