Throwing Chalk: diary of a trainee teacher

I worry this year. So much more than last year. Last year I worked with students doing University access courses and that was fine. They were responsive, they asked intelligent questions and they were always weirdly impressed by my teaching. They weren't used to getting taught they told me. They were usually left to do *their own thing*; research stuff, write essays, do presentations. It was about learning to work in a style suitable for university. Whatever it was they had to do, they were enthusiastic and willing. The same applied to the GCSE English Lit students at *that* college. Enthusiastic, capable of giant leaps of thinking once they got going; not afraid to take up bold positions and then attempt to justify their thoughts with evidence from the poem or novel.

It felt good. My mentor (last year) was impressed with my hard worked lesson plans, my knowledge of IT and all the rest of it. She actually started to appreciate that I might be of some use - rather than being in the way - which was how she thought of me when I first arrived like an orphan on the doorstep. In the early weeks she tended to regard me as a walking pile of extra paperwork. Best dealt with if I was pushed to one side and left for another day. I did a lot of *observing* & a little bit of "do you want to do ten minutes at the end?" After she had usefully covered all the main points and the students were tired out.

I'm not actually whining. It's just that that pattern is at times repeating itself this year. My mentor has problems letting go, probably has problems trusting the less experienced teacher to usefully go through things. Expands his section of the lesson so that my topic area gets pushed out. I'm starting to feel like the step-child at the wedding. The spare part again. And the reason I worry more is that I'm not sure we're getting closer to *acceptance* of my value.

It's lunchtime now and I've spent the morning watching again, which is nice, but as someone who is learnng to teach part-time and has other things to do with his life, it would be more useful if I could get involved more. Plus, I have to fulfill my minimum hours and submit a statutuary number of completed lesson plans. I don't want to have to *fudge* the figures at the end of the year.

I am actually whining. O dear. A thousand apologies. I have A2 English this afternoon so I will actually be taking the lesson. Or that's the plan anyway. It might be easier if my mentor wasn't in the room but he can't let go at the moment. I don't want to fight and I don't know this other group that well so I'll let him stay. But trying to teach and discipline a class whilst your mentor is sitting behind you in the corner is a bit like being a teenager at a disco (with their dad sat in the corner covertly watching and frowning). It doesn't exactly give you a massive amount of freedom or confidence, but I suppose that's the point. The parent / mentor isn't ready to let me dance / teach like no one is watching just yet. They're afraid that I'll end up falling flat on my face. But you have to fail in order to learn. Like Sam Beckett says, "Fail, fail again, fail better." or words to that effect...

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 15:04 Comments