Throwing Chalk: diary of a trainee teacher

I told my *other* tutor at North Brassington. The other tutor had observed me the week before and it wasn't great.

The students got a bit giddy at the idea of group work. Enjoyed it too much, lost concentration a bit too much. And I could tell there were gaps, issues, problems. Teething problems. *Aim & Objectives* needed to be clearer. More assessment. More observable, recordable outcomes. That's fine. That's nice, I know all that. I need to get better in those areas. Pretty blooming important areas, but my tutor gave me feedback, it was useful, I will regroup and live to fight another day.

But I told her. This time? This week? With my mentor watching? He saw things that I didn't. That my tutor didn't. That the students didn't.

2 hours of - what looked like learning - what looked like enjoyment all round. Friendly banter and some work. Could they have worked harder? They could. Could I have been slightly more organised? I could have been. I stretched out the middle section of the lesson too much, left the end to be set as homework. But the students didn't mind that. A2 - they're more likely to do homework, right? And hey, yeah, someone had their phone out, started texting - how dull - but I dealt with it. It was my first time with this class. I was trying to get a combination of being a b*stard & bonding. Set some standards of respect. But yeah, I'm learning, I need more skills and time on the job. For sure.....

Except

My mentor had an essay's worth of criticism ready for me after the lesson. A big ole list of faults. It was like taking your beloved Mini Cooper to have its MOT. It seems to be running fine - sure, you know it's not perfect - but you're not expecting such a savagely clinical depiction of all its faults.

You were so happy only 3 minutes ago. Now you feel like crying.

Factually, sure, hard to argue with the expert. You can have some differences of opinion & interpretation, but it's not your place to argue the toss. Cos he'll tell you that he knows what's what. So whatever you say is pretty much meaningless. There's only one qualified mechanic/teacher in the room - and it ain't you, buddy boy. So take what's dished out and suck it up.

It seems that this is how you get better. How you gain knowledge. By getting broken down week after week. In clinical point-by-point detail. Cheers... mate.

He started off with, "Well they seemed to enjoy it..." That was the praise bit of my 'Praise Sandwich'. Then it was on to the meat..... funnily enough, I don't seem to remember there being a top layer of praise on the sandwich. It was more of an open sandwich. Not that I am in the least bit bitter. Ummm. I'm learning. I deserve to be slapped about with *constructive* criticism. That's how I learn. That's how I get better. I have to keep remembering that. Keep repeating it to myself.

And she said, "Well, I think we need to find you a new mentor."

The right advice? Is it possible? Can you change? Isn't this like dropping out? Will I be a terrible person if I do? Will I be a failure? Should I? Should I try harder? Is it all just too hard?

Posted by Stipey Sullivan at 02:48 Comments